Box Set - Chapter Thirty-Two

I’ve underappreciated music in my life. I can see that now. As we ride the waves up through the edge and travel further and further from the Abyss with every passing second, I can see how powerful it is. Now, here, it saves us all from staying down there forever.

                I wonder how many myths and legends, stories and beliefs associated with hell have come from that place. How many people live in fear of eternal damnation and don’t realise that there is a very real place where we can become trapped if we don’t feel strong enough to fight it?

                Maybe that’s what depression is? Maybe that’s what every bad feeling is? Somewhere, deep inside us there’s a pole, like a magnet, and it drags us towards that place. The majority of us are lucky that we’re strong enough to fight against its pull. I can see now how important it is that we recognize when others are tempted by it, and how only a few simple words can pull a person back from the brink.

                I grip Yates’s hand tighter with my left, and Upson’s with my right. I can’t see either of them in the murk, but I’m glad that by holding tighter, their presence is confirmed to me. I think that if I was here by myself, even with the song from the town, I might find it hard to get back.

                All of a sudden, the sounds grow clearer. I can make out words and the layers in the melody of voices. I can hear now a lot clearer than the first time I was saved by it. It sounds otherworldly because it’s not one song at all. It’s a vast collection of songs, like every person in the town is saying their personal prayer for our safe return. I can hear proclamations of home and safety, of returning and peace. Warnings of how far we can fall and how we can take hold of our bravery and rise higher.

                Deep inside me, the part of my personality which sways towards science and away from faith grumbles. But my eyes are seeing evidence of powers greater than the ones I know. I would never say that this proves the existence of any higher power, but there is a power in people. Collected together, their minds combined and concentrated on a single goal, the collective can achieve anything. There is science in that, science I don’t understand but science nonetheless. If this experience has proved my belief of anything, then it’s my belief in people.

                The world doesn’t erupt around us. We don’t fly from a tear in the universe and skid to a stop in the sand. The world simply takes shape around us and we return to it as though we were never gone. It’s as easy and as calm as opening our eyes.

                The crowd around us do erupt, this time in cheers. There is still singing. Maybe those towards the back who don’t know we’ve made it through. We’re swarmed by them and I can’t help but smile as I’m congratulated and clapped by strong hands from all sides.

                Elle is at the front of the mass before I’ve even blinked. I can see her cheeks are streaked with tearstains. She doesn’t hesitate before she seizes both me and Yates and pulls us into a tight hug. I’m always surprised at how powerful Elle can be. I remember her grasping Teague by the lapels many eternities ago. At least that’s how long it feels.

                I quickly realised that I should never judge someone for their size. Elle proves that to me every day. Prejudice is for the foolish and I’m sure she’d be the first to tell me that too.

                ‘I’m so glad you’re back!’ she says into our shoulders. I look at Yates. His eyes are closed, his face collected into a look of contentment. Outwardly his body shakes from the ordeal he’s been through. ‘You, get in here.’ Elle grabs Upson too and pulls him in to us. ‘Do we have vacancies in the gang, Easton?’ she asks.

                Upson laughs. ‘I’m just happy I could help.’ He separates himself a little awkwardly. I wonder how used the military man is to outward displays of affection. ‘I’ll be sure to look you up when we get back home.’

                ‘Home?’ Tarquin says. He parts the crowd and joins us. I can see more than ever the great respect he commands. ‘Don’t tell me you’re leaving us after you’ve seen the darkness.’

                ‘I don’t want to discuss this,’ Upson says. ‘I’m just glad we’re back.’

                Tarquin looks at us, still huddled together. It’s as though he’s just realised we’re all here too. ‘I knew you had it in you.’ He directs his words at all of us. ‘Such happy additions to our group here.’ He smiles at us, but I can see the pleading in his eyes. Upson has undermined him in front of everyone. I get the impression that people who want to leave the desert do so quietly, without upsetting Tarquin’s status quo. I won’t be a party to it. People have a right to decide to do what they want.

                ‘Actually, we’ll be leaving too,’ I say. I look at Elle and Yates, the latter looking around the sparse desert town with inquisitive eyes. They both nod regardless. This isn’t our home.

‘We’re very grateful for everything you’ve done,’ Elle says. ‘But you know when you don’t belong somewhere.’

‘But, the Abyss?’ Tarquin splutters.

‘I think we’re all strong enough to avoid it,’ Elle says. ‘We’ll stay for Teague’s recital, but after that we’ll be finding a path out of here.’

Sandra appears. She touches Tarquin on the shoulder and they share a look. She appears to be the only one who can calm him. I wonder, are they together?

‘Of course it’s your decision to do as you please,’ she says. ‘We here will always be glad to welcome you back.’

‘Thank you,’ I say.

The crowd is beginning to disperse. There is obvious bustle before the steps to the town hall. I imagine this is where Teague’s recital will take place. I desperately want to ask Elle what he’s been up to in our absence. And also how long we’ve actually been absent. It’s still the same day we left so we can’t have been away that long. They said that they’d begin singing after half an hour. Down in the Abyss, though it felt like we were in there forever, I’m sure that only a few minutes had passed.

I look up at the blue sky again, just for a moment. I realise how grateful I am to see it back. Still though, I’m troubled by a nagging feeling. This is still not my sky.

‘Would you be kind enough to help with the setting up?’ Tarquin asks, indicating the town hall. ‘Now your friend is safe and sound.’ He smiles at Yates.

‘Of course,’ I say.

‘Thank you, Easton,’ he says. He smiles once more and then he and Sandra disappear back into the crowd.

Instantly I turn to Elle. ‘What’s he been up to?’

‘Nothing,’ she says. She sounds disappointed. ‘He’s been the model citizen. Running back and forth, proclaiming how proud he is of his children. It’s quite sickening really.’

‘Who’s this?’ Yates looks shy as he directs the question at us. I’m determined not to treat him like he’s incapable of handling anything as well as anyone else. He’s our friend, we stick by each other and don’t leave each other behind. This is a simple fact.

‘Teague,’ I reply.

‘Oh, God, what’s he done now?’

I try to hide my smile but find it very difficult.

‘This is Teague from the school?’ Upson still stands behind us. I don’t suppose it matters if we let him in on things now. He’s proved himself more trustworthy than anyone.

‘You know him?’ Elle narrows her eyes. I expect she’s suspecting a secret Teague supporter.

‘Only in passing, I always got the impression he was hiding something.’

‘Easton, I’ve decided we’re replacing you with Upson,’ Elle says. I stick my tongue out at her but we laugh.

‘Teague’s from back home,’ I say. ‘He hurt a lot of people, manipulates them too. Now he’s putting on this act as the saintly schoolteacher and we think he’s going to pull something at the recital.’

‘Then we’d better stop him,’ Upson says. ‘He can’t hurt anyone here, we can go home and he’ll be Tarquin’s problem.’

‘Do I detect some history?’ Yates presses for information.

‘Only a difference in beliefs,’ Upson replies. ‘It’s pretty much agreed that this place is made from the collective minds of everyone who lives here. Personally I think the desert comes from our idea of loneliness, but the town, the tree, the well, they come from us. I think we could do so much more here if we weren’t kept under Tarquin’s idea of peace. He doesn’t tell anyone when they arrive but more and more people have been leaving. It’s a lot easier than he thinks, or so they say.’

‘Do you definitely know people have got home?’ I ask.

Upson shakes his head. ‘It’s impossible to say,’ he replies. ‘I only hope they didn’t fall down to that place.’

Yates instantly looks away, obviously ashamed. ‘Oh, sorry,’ Upson continues. ‘I didn’t mean to…’

‘It’s fine,’ Yates says. He quickly changes the subject. ‘What’s he been doing?’

‘Singing,’ I reply.

‘Singing?’ Yates looks like I’ve just told him the sea had turned purple. Wide eyed and incredulous.

‘Tell me about it,’ I reply. ‘We think he might be trying to use the song to get home.’

‘Why doesn’t he just do it himself?’ Upson asks. ‘He’s been here long enough, rumour travels quickly. You get home the same way you travel, the same way we escaped, you just have to be brave enough and want to.’

‘Welcome to Teague,’ Elle answers. ‘Man of mystery.’

Upson raises his eyebrows. ‘It definitely sounds suspicious given his history.’

‘How long do you think it will be until the recital begins?’ I ask.

‘Well it’s supposed to be this evening,’ he replies. ‘I suppose that gives us the day to find some proof to what he’s doing.’

‘Where did you serve?’ Elle asks. Upson returns her look, surprised. ‘My dad’s in the forces.’

‘Afghanistan, four years was my latest,’ he says. ‘And last.’

Elle reaches over and shakes his hand. ‘I can always tell. It’s the way you stand.’

I look down and I realise Upson’s feet are spread at shoulder width. His muscles bulge beneath the sleeves of his t-shirt. I notice that he doesn’t wear military fatigues. He may have died in a warzone, but that wasn’t his true self. If this place is created from the minds of the dead, and if we can change age and shape like I’ve seen two people do now, then I guess we must take on the image of the way we see ourselves. Deep down, Upson was never an army man. Was he a husband? A father? A  friend? I wonder what sort of person he thinks he is. I remember him being afraid in the Abyss in the way that anyone would have been. If I’d looked at him before we went down there I would have said that he wasn’t afraid of anything.

‘We’d better get to helping out,’ he says. ‘Have a dig around, see what we can find out. Target the old people, they always talk more.’

I wonder was that advice for now or just life in general. I think of Benjamin, always in the park, every Friday without fail. He was always talking about life, about the world. It makes me feel guilty that in the year I’ve known him I’ve never asked. Why Central Park? Why that day? When I get back, I resolve to ask him.

Upson disappears into the crowd and leaves us alone.

‘I didn’t know your dad was in the forces?’ I ask.

‘Yeah, well,’ she says. ‘You know something? Something really bad?’ She looks down at her feet. ‘Before I met you too I was always looking for him. Because I expected it, you know. Expected to find him. Stepped on an IED, shot, blown up, anything like that. I wasn’t looking for him because what girl hopes their dad’s going to die?’

‘But you said, parents,’ I say. I don’t know why I say that of all things. When we appeared in the police station and our faces were on TV, she’d said her parents would come looking for her.

‘He’s not with my mum anymore,’ she says. ‘He’d come visit me in hospital. We always used to video chat and stuff. I have Greg, my other dad. I guess I meant them. I knew they’d come looking for me, all three of them would. That’s why I freaked out a bit I guess. Because say he sees me on TV, out there in Iraq, and he knows his little girl isn’t dead anymore. Can you imagine what that’d do to him? Knowing he can’t leave? Can’t come looking for me?’ She looks down. ‘I’ve never told anyone all that. I guess. When you guys were down there, I just felt alone? I realised I didn’t like floating around so much, being the girl who pretends she doesn’t find her dad again. I like not feeling like a terrible daughter anymore.’

Yates crosses and hugs her. ‘You’re the opposite of that,’ he says. ‘And we’ll find him. One day when he crosses to us. Happy and old and you can see him again.’

I cross and hug them both. We stay like that for a second and then we part. Closer than ever.

We don’t talk again for a good hour after that. Sometimes, after a moment like that you need your own space. I always knew there was something else to Elle. I would have never guessed it but I’m glad she told us. It shows that she trusts us above everyone else. I knew that I have to go and see my parents when I get back home, just to sit with them a while. I think that death shows one thing over and over. Everyone has their Penny. And everyone’s is just as important.