Elle had been glad to agree.
Being here with her, even for a short amount of time seems to have mended some
of the cracks in our friendship. More and more I see that I’d been self-centred,
dragging her and Yates around the world searching for my girlfriend. I have to
leave it to fate. I’d asked around at dinner on the quiet the night before. I
like how they still call it dinner here despite the distinct lack of food. Old
habits die hard.
After asking several people in
this tight knit community it became clear to me that Penny wasn’t here either.
Elle waves at me and signals she’s going to search the next dune. It’s a rule
to search the deserts in pairs and to always keep each other in sight. Losing
sight of someone in a land where everything looks the same is just as bad as
losing someone in a maze. I wonder how far this desert went on. Is this world a
globe like ours? Did it stop and have an edge falling away into nothingness? Or
did it simply stretch out into infinity? The idea baffled me and unsettled my
rational mind. I know our universe is infinite, and that logic dictates that it
holds secrets and corners that I can’t possibly fathom with my small human
mind, but an infinitely stretching land hovering between this world and the
next? Somehow my belief doesn’t quite stretch to holding that as the truth.
I trudge down the side of my
dune and start up the side of Elle’s. I quicken my pace, using a trick I’ve
been mastering.
I am dead. I think. I feel no
fatigue, no tired muscles, or a clutch in my chest. Stamina is an alien concept
to me.
And it works. I top the dune
without breaking the memory of a sweat. I feel a small pang of regret in my
chest. Does this mean I’ve lost a degree of humanness? Am I no better than
Windermere and her group in the castle.
I see Elle gazing into the
distance. She hasn’t seen anything, she’d have told me. I try closing my eyes
and seeing the echoes of people in the Edge. It’s a force of habit and it
avails nothing but darkness. I’ve come to learn that this place, being the Edge
in physical form, works in a different way. As ghosts we’re a part of it, so as
we move through it, we learn to work hand in hand. If we’re sufficiently in
tune with this world, it will show us everything we used to see once we were
blind. It takes a moment of concentration and sensing the world around you.
Suddenly the shadow of a person, or a ripple on the air like a heatwave will
become clear. Then we can use the people back in town to help them through.
I think it’s my insistence to
reunite with Yates that has helped my relationship with Elle. I admire her a
lot. A girl who had everything stolen from her who only exists selflessly. It’s
only now I realise that everything she does is driven by a desire to help
others. She knew I wanted to find Penny so she came along on hare-brained
adventures with me. She saw that Yates needed help so she gave him a best
friend. It makes sense that Graham, a person who only thinks inwardly, would
irritate her so much.
I reach the crest of the dune
and stop beside her. Thinking and losing track of what my body was doing means
that I hold my side with a sharp stitch. I massage myself in the hope that it
might subside.
‘Anything?’ I ask.
‘Not as far as the eye can see,’
Elle says. ‘We should be getting back really, we wouldn’t want to miss out on
Teague’s fabulous school of excellence.’
‘Yeah and he’ll be in
preparation for the recital tonight,’ I reply. ‘That’s something I really want
to see.’
Elle sighes. ‘I just want to
find Yates and get out of this place. There’s a point when serene starts to
grate on a girl. And those beds! If you can call them beds.’
The house Elle and I share had
been split into two rooms upstairs. The beds were densely packed piles of sand
with cloth over the top, I assume made from disgarded clothes of the residents
here. Tarquin had explained that the vast majority of residents sleep on the
floor. The beds are for newcomers to help them adjust to minimalist living.
We start back towards the town.
A lot of people here believe that people only get stuck within distance of the
town. They believe that their collective mind acts as a sort of magnet for
souls. People run around the edge of the town like they’re circling a plug hole
only to be brought through by their strong will. I admire their optimism but I
do worry; what if this desert is infinite and there are thousands of people
trapped out there in that in between hell?
I try to put the thought out of
my mind but I can’t seem to shake it. Powered by the worry for my friend, the
questions with no answers continue to circulate, intensified by the all-encompassing
power of the new morning sun.
It doesn’t take us long to return
to town. There is a bustle in the main square. I can see the others from the
hunts have returned and are at the centre of commotion. They’re easy to make
out. Their clothes are covered in a thin film of dust from the sands. We walk
through the crowds until we’re at the centre.
‘Elle, Easton, there you are,’
says one man, Upson who walked us through the hunt routines only that morning.
He’s well-built and his dark skin glistens with a layer of sweat. It’s rare to
see here amongst those so used to being ghosts. ‘We may have some news about
your friend.’
Elle steps forward. ‘You saw
him? Is it singing time?’
Upson looks uncomfortable. ‘Not
exactly,’ he replies. ‘We might have to fetch him another way.’
‘What do you mean?’ I join Elle
at the front of the crowd. ‘What’s happened to him?’
‘That’s the thing.’ Tarquin
appears through a gap between listening heads. ‘We’re not entirely sure.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Elle’s face switches to worry so quickly it’s remarkable.
Tarquin holds his hands up, a
sign of defence. ‘He’s not in a place we’ve ventured to before. He’s close to
the Abyss but he’s holding himself from falling. I’m not even sure we can get
him.’
I put a hand to my forehead. I
wonder how many people would stay their killing hand if they knew a thing about
the afterlife. Those who throw themselves in front of trains or take the pill
they shouldn’t. Would it make them pause and reconsider? This place is a land
of choices, of walking a fine line between safety and oblivion so much more than
the land of the living. And here, this place feels like a tightrope. I worry
that it’s one Yates may have difficulty balancing on.
‘How would you suggest going to
fetch him?’ Elle asks. She’s calmed herself and her words emerge steady and
forthright, the indication of bottled anger. At Tarquin, at the world? I couldn’t
be sure. It’s times like these that I wish I could still talk to her with my
thoughts. We have to get Yates home and soon. This is no place for any of us.
‘We can go and get him,’ I say.
There’s an instant reaction from
the crowd around us. A muttering of dissent that makes it seem like I’ve
insulted their very way of being.
‘You’ll understand the idea is
unpopular,’ Tarquin explains. ‘Fear of the darkness is what keeps us here. Fear
and the spirit of togetherness.’
I resist the urge to roll my
eyes. I can feel them straining. If you ask me it’s mainly the fear that keeps
a community in this town. Only fear of the unknown would keep people sleeping
on floors and denying themselves everything else.
‘How do you know where he is?’
Elle asks. ‘If you’ve never been down there yourself.’
‘It was the nature of his echo.’
It’s Upson who replies. ‘We could hear it on the desert wind. Calling out your
names and speaking of a great chasm before him, a darkness that feels like it’s
reaching out to take him.’
I can’t help but think of the
time I followed Yates through my own memories, falling over the end of what I
could remember and spinning through the gloom. Was that the Abyss calling out
to me even then?
‘And you’d leave him to that
because you fear it yourself?’ My fists ball together and I hold the express
desire to take them all by the hand and step through the breach with them, to
show them that there is a way home if they’d only believe it. Strength has
taken us this far and I refuse to be stopped by it, Great Beyonds, Edges and
Abysses don’t come into the equation.
I expect Teague to make an
appearance, to offer his important opinions, but there is no sign of him. I
assume he’s off with the children. Is this further proof that he can be
trusted?
‘I would volunteer myself to go
with you,’ Upson says. I’m surprised by the man’s admission.
‘You have no obligation, Upson,’
Tarquin says.
I see Elle bristle. ‘I’m coming
too,’ she says.
I turn to her. I wish more than
ever that we could speak freely. I still don’t trust Teague or anything he has planned.
Our history is too marked by his schemes going against us. ‘One of us has to
stay,’ I say. ‘Watch over the recital.’
Elle’s eyes widen in recognition
but still she argues, ‘Why can’t you stay?’
‘Because I’m the one who started
him off on this journey, I owe it to him to bring him back.’
Elle nods but I can see her
fighting a retort. She grasps my hand and gives it a squeeze. ‘I’m glad I met
you, Easton. Try not to trip so we don’t bump into each other again.’
I smile. ‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’
I turn to Upson. ‘Thank you for doing this.’
‘It’s my duty,’ he says. He
stands up straighter for a second. His feet come together and his hand twitches
at his side. It’s the memory of a salute, standing to attention, I’m certain of
it. I wonder was he in the army in life.
‘How do we get there?’ I ask.
The crowd watches with bated breath. Elle and Tarquin step back into the mass
and the latter wrings his hands together. If I was in and position of power
here I’d make sure everyone could know that there’s more to the universe than
this desert. I think Tarquin spreads his own fear to everyone else. I hope that
by bringing Yates back from the brink we can prove that there are choices here
too.
‘We can only guess,’ Upson says.
I can’t help but think that the crowd have parted to form a sort of arena. Is
it one they’ll watch us die in? Like I’m back in Rome at the Colosseum again. ‘A
lot of us think it’s a simple matter of will. We want to be by Yates’s side so
we’ll find him there. We just have to be careful. There’s no knowing what we’ll
find on the other side.’ He turns to Tarquin. ‘Give us half an hour,’ he says. ‘If
we’re still not back, sing and hopefully we’ll be able to follow the waves
here.’
‘Good plan,’ I congratulate
Upson.
Upson smiles. ‘It’s what I’m trained to do. I’ve been getting itchy feet
sitting around here.’
My eyes settle on Tarquin. He
looks angrier than I’ve seen him. We’re challenging his way of life and he’s
powerless to stop us. I hope he understands what we’re doing. I didn’t want to
come here and upset the only real peace I’ve seen in a while, but peace can
sometimes come at a price, and I’m personally not willing to pay it with my
friend.
‘Grip tightly,’ Upson says. ‘And
concentrate on your friend. I’ve heard him but you know him best.’ He holds my
wrist and I hold his. It would take an enormous effort on anyone’s part to
separate us. I can feel my heart beating in my chest. I remind myself that I no
longer have a heart. I’m a ghost, body and soul. A ghost who wander to the edge
of the universe and come back to tell the tale.
I remember all the times I’ve
been with Yates. The deserted house of books. Loosing the noose from the
rafters. I remember freeing him of his father and seeing him return to a
happier teenage form. I think of Graham and the happiness they shared together
no matter what may have become of my oldest friend now. And I think of his
bravery in Windermere’s castle, how he would retort against their injustice
just as much as Elle and me. We are a three and we won’t be torn apart.
I can feel myself moving, like I’m
a leaf caught on wind. Like I’m constituted of the sand around me and grains
are drifting away. And now I can hear a voice.
‘Hold on!’ calls Upson beside me
but he sounds far away. I remind myself of his grip on my arm, but that’s
flowing away too.
‘Easton! Elle!’ yells a voice in
the wind, the voice is the wind, we are flowing through Yates and I feel his
fear. ‘I can’t go over, I can’t please come help me!’
I’m falling and falling. Upson’s
arm has gone, I’m alone in the darkness. I collide with the earth but the
ground subsides. It feels cold and dead to touch. Grey gravel and scree that
cascades in showers against my flying feet.
I slip and catch a glimpse of
dark black nothing rushing towards me. This slope ends and I travel towards it
too fast that I fear I’ll carry myself over. As I slide I cry out, there is no
stopping me.
I’m going over the Abyss.
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