Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 33

            With more concentration than I’ve ever had the power to muster. I begin counting.

            ‘One,’ I say, out loud. I think of any ghost walking by, seeing me standing in a dewy field in the middle of the night. I still don’t know where I am but maybe I don’t need to. Knowing where you are is more than coordinates on a map. This is the hayfield by the castle of books. A place I can see, feel and smell and I will return to this place.

            ‘Two,’ I continue. I know where I’m going. I’ve never been there but I can visualise it. I build a picture in the blackness behind my eyelids. The green front door. The Georgian building, grey stone, sandwiched between tens of others like a street of stone sardines.

            ‘Three.’ There could only be one place. A place where I could get something for him to show that I cared. He might come with me if he only knew that.

            ‘Four.’ Why do I care? Why am I doing this? The answer is simple to me but the selfish part of me screams out. You don’t need to.

            ‘Five.’ But that’s the point. I refuse to start this life as I left the last one; unable to take risks and speak up for myself, being the wallflower at the party, ignoring the chance to help other people because I was scared to.

            ‘Six.’ 48 Doughty Street, London, WC1N 2LX. How many times had I looked up the address? Stared at pictures of it on the internet. I would go there one day. See the house of my hero. But there’s my biggest regret, screaming out of the darkness. I should always have done the things I wanted to do, because a second on a road, and a few inches of burst rubber had taken that all from me.

            ‘Seven.’ Concentrate. I am on the doorstep. My hand reaches towards the door. The image becomes almost tangible. The curtain between us seems thinner. Throbbing, pulsing like a living object. The fabric of the universe is mine, something I can brush aside and step through.

            ‘Eight.’ Hold on, Yates. So many times I’d cried in the darkness for no reason. Embarrassed, thinking my problems were greater than everyone else’s. When all I needed to do was step over that line and seize a day.

            ‘Nine.’ But now I can. I can help a man who needs it. Rescue him from the dungeon he’s created for himself.

            ‘Ten.’