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                ‘Easton,’ he says. ‘I was just talking about you.’

                I bite my tongue as the words ‘Only good things I hope’ poise themselves on my lips, ready to be pushed over the top. Is this what middle age feels like? Have I become old before my years.

                I begin to consider how much years matter anymore, I’m not exactly going to look any different as they roll past.

                ‘This is Orson, Samad and Brady,’ he explains. ‘They died in a fire together.’

                ‘Oh god, I’m sorry,’ I say before I can stop myself.

                ‘No use troubling yourself there,’ says the man Yates indicated was Orson. He’s tall, with a long, pale face. If I were someone who believed in such things, I would have said he was a vampire. ‘I can’t even remember how long ago it was now.’

                ‘We here you’re venturing back to the mortal coil, so to speak.’ Brady speaks with a thick Texas accent. He’s rotund to the point of popping the buttons on his shirt. I wonder why his mind didn’t shed a few pounds when he died?

                ‘Yes, after the singing,’ I reply. ‘Why?’

                ‘We’d like to come with you,’ Brady continues. ‘There are quite a few of us here who would like to see some real places again, if you know what I mean.’

                ‘Why didn’t you go before now?’ I ask.

                Samad pipes up. He’s the youngest of the three, but still older than Yates or I. I know so as his dark hair is the only one not streaked with grey.

                ‘You’ll understand that people are afraid,’ he says. ‘We’ve never had a mass exodus before. Safety in numbers and all that. I suppose people think that if we’re all together, there’s less chance of losing each other along the way. You’ve caused quite a stir.’

                I’m beginning to wonder why we seem to cause a stir wherever we go? I wonder what would have happened if I’d just decided to stay put, find an old manor house on a moor somewhere and decided to haunt it until I was run out or exorcised or something similar.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 240

Chapter Thirty-Three

                It strikes me that though Tarquin had said that they needed help to get ready for Teague’s recital, what with the absence of anything in the way of chairs, a stage or indeed anything that would be useful in a recital situation, there wasn’t a lot to do.

                On account of this fact, I spent the day rooting around for information from the town’s residents. Upson was right in the way that the elderly liked to talk. I had been given the life stories of four different residents, quite happily sitting there and watching the sands roll by, when I decided to find my friends again.

                It could never be said that anyone was unhappy here. The people who could remember life on earth spoke of it fondly and with happy remembrance of their time before. A lot of them spoke with a great fear of the spinning darkness between here, there and the places that lay beyond. This meant that the vast majority had grown an attachment to the town through the fear of that and nothing else.

                This is by no means an evil place. Even now I found myself dragged in by the peace. No one ever seems to argue here, for there is nothing much to argue about. Spates are settled quickly and are usually formed around a high school type of love related arguments. I ran into Elle at one point who observed, quite rightly that it was bound to happen: There’s not much else to do here.

                I walk across the square again, seeing that the blazing sun casts long shadows towards me. I step into one and savour the moment of cool air before the close heat traps me again. People are already gathering themselves into rows for the singing. I realise that I haven’t seen Teague all day long and his absence is really beginning to bother me.

                I run into Yates near the front. He stands with a group of older men. I have to remind myself of his actual age and consider that these are people that he probably feels instantly comfortable with. I silently hope he’s not starting to enjoy life here. There’s more for Yates in the world than sand.

Box Set - Chapter Thirty-Two

I’ve underappreciated music in my life. I can see that now. As we ride the waves up through the edge and travel further and further from the Abyss with every passing second, I can see how powerful it is. Now, here, it saves us all from staying down there forever.

                I wonder how many myths and legends, stories and beliefs associated with hell have come from that place. How many people live in fear of eternal damnation and don’t realise that there is a very real place where we can become trapped if we don’t feel strong enough to fight it?

                Maybe that’s what depression is? Maybe that’s what every bad feeling is? Somewhere, deep inside us there’s a pole, like a magnet, and it drags us towards that place. The majority of us are lucky that we’re strong enough to fight against its pull. I can see now how important it is that we recognize when others are tempted by it, and how only a few simple words can pull a person back from the brink.

                I grip Yates’s hand tighter with my left, and Upson’s with my right. I can’t see either of them in the murk, but I’m glad that by holding tighter, their presence is confirmed to me. I think that if I was here by myself, even with the song from the town, I might find it hard to get back.

                All of a sudden, the sounds grow clearer. I can make out words and the layers in the melody of voices. I can hear now a lot clearer than the first time I was saved by it. It sounds otherworldly because it’s not one song at all. It’s a vast collection of songs, like every person in the town is saying their personal prayer for our safe return. I can hear proclamations of home and safety, of returning and peace. Warnings of how far we can fall and how we can take hold of our bravery and rise higher.

                Deep inside me, the part of my personality which sways towards science and away from faith grumbles. But my eyes are seeing evidence of powers greater than the ones I know. I would never say that this proves the existence of any higher power, but there is a power in people. Collected together, their minds combined and concentrated on a single goal, the collective can achieve anything. There is science in that, science I don’t understand but science nonetheless. If this experience has proved my belief of anything, then it’s my belief in people.

                The world doesn’t erupt around us. We don’t fly from a tear in the universe and skid to a stop in the sand. The world simply takes shape around us and we return to it as though we were never gone. It’s as easy and as calm as opening our eyes.

                The crowd around us do erupt, this time in cheers. There is still singing. Maybe those towards the back who don’t know we’ve made it through. We’re swarmed by them and I can’t help but smile as I’m congratulated and clapped by strong hands from all sides.

                Elle is at the front of the mass before I’ve even blinked. I can see her cheeks are streaked with tearstains. She doesn’t hesitate before she seizes both me and Yates and pulls us into a tight hug. I’m always surprised at how powerful Elle can be. I remember her grasping Teague by the lapels many eternities ago. At least that’s how long it feels.

                I quickly realised that I should never judge someone for their size. Elle proves that to me every day. Prejudice is for the foolish and I’m sure she’d be the first to tell me that too.

                ‘I’m so glad you’re back!’ she says into our shoulders. I look at Yates. His eyes are closed, his face collected into a look of contentment. Outwardly his body shakes from the ordeal he’s been through. ‘You, get in here.’ Elle grabs Upson too and pulls him in to us. ‘Do we have vacancies in the gang, Easton?’ she asks.

                Upson laughs. ‘I’m just happy I could help.’ He separates himself a little awkwardly. I wonder how used the military man is to outward displays of affection. ‘I’ll be sure to look you up when we get back home.’

                ‘Home?’ Tarquin says. He parts the crowd and joins us. I can see more than ever the great respect he commands. ‘Don’t tell me you’re leaving us after you’ve seen the darkness.’

                ‘I don’t want to discuss this,’ Upson says. ‘I’m just glad we’re back.’

                Tarquin looks at us, still huddled together. It’s as though he’s just realised we’re all here too. ‘I knew you had it in you.’ He directs his words at all of us. ‘Such happy additions to our group here.’ He smiles at us, but I can see the pleading in his eyes. Upson has undermined him in front of everyone. I get the impression that people who want to leave the desert do so quietly, without upsetting Tarquin’s status quo. I won’t be a party to it. People have a right to decide to do what they want.

                ‘Actually, we’ll be leaving too,’ I say. I look at Elle and Yates, the latter looking around the sparse desert town with inquisitive eyes. They both nod regardless. This isn’t our home.

‘We’re very grateful for everything you’ve done,’ Elle says. ‘But you know when you don’t belong somewhere.’

‘But, the Abyss?’ Tarquin splutters.

‘I think we’re all strong enough to avoid it,’ Elle says. ‘We’ll stay for Teague’s recital, but after that we’ll be finding a path out of here.’

Sandra appears. She touches Tarquin on the shoulder and they share a look. She appears to be the only one who can calm him. I wonder, are they together?

‘Of course it’s your decision to do as you please,’ she says. ‘We here will always be glad to welcome you back.’

‘Thank you,’ I say.

The crowd is beginning to disperse. There is obvious bustle before the steps to the town hall. I imagine this is where Teague’s recital will take place. I desperately want to ask Elle what he’s been up to in our absence. And also how long we’ve actually been absent. It’s still the same day we left so we can’t have been away that long. They said that they’d begin singing after half an hour. Down in the Abyss, though it felt like we were in there forever, I’m sure that only a few minutes had passed.

I look up at the blue sky again, just for a moment. I realise how grateful I am to see it back. Still though, I’m troubled by a nagging feeling. This is still not my sky.

‘Would you be kind enough to help with the setting up?’ Tarquin asks, indicating the town hall. ‘Now your friend is safe and sound.’ He smiles at Yates.

‘Of course,’ I say.

‘Thank you, Easton,’ he says. He smiles once more and then he and Sandra disappear back into the crowd.

Instantly I turn to Elle. ‘What’s he been up to?’

‘Nothing,’ she says. She sounds disappointed. ‘He’s been the model citizen. Running back and forth, proclaiming how proud he is of his children. It’s quite sickening really.’

‘Who’s this?’ Yates looks shy as he directs the question at us. I’m determined not to treat him like he’s incapable of handling anything as well as anyone else. He’s our friend, we stick by each other and don’t leave each other behind. This is a simple fact.

‘Teague,’ I reply.

‘Oh, God, what’s he done now?’

I try to hide my smile but find it very difficult.

‘This is Teague from the school?’ Upson still stands behind us. I don’t suppose it matters if we let him in on things now. He’s proved himself more trustworthy than anyone.

‘You know him?’ Elle narrows her eyes. I expect she’s suspecting a secret Teague supporter.

‘Only in passing, I always got the impression he was hiding something.’

‘Easton, I’ve decided we’re replacing you with Upson,’ Elle says. I stick my tongue out at her but we laugh.

‘Teague’s from back home,’ I say. ‘He hurt a lot of people, manipulates them too. Now he’s putting on this act as the saintly schoolteacher and we think he’s going to pull something at the recital.’

‘Then we’d better stop him,’ Upson says. ‘He can’t hurt anyone here, we can go home and he’ll be Tarquin’s problem.’

‘Do I detect some history?’ Yates presses for information.

‘Only a difference in beliefs,’ Upson replies. ‘It’s pretty much agreed that this place is made from the collective minds of everyone who lives here. Personally I think the desert comes from our idea of loneliness, but the town, the tree, the well, they come from us. I think we could do so much more here if we weren’t kept under Tarquin’s idea of peace. He doesn’t tell anyone when they arrive but more and more people have been leaving. It’s a lot easier than he thinks, or so they say.’

‘Do you definitely know people have got home?’ I ask.

Upson shakes his head. ‘It’s impossible to say,’ he replies. ‘I only hope they didn’t fall down to that place.’

Yates instantly looks away, obviously ashamed. ‘Oh, sorry,’ Upson continues. ‘I didn’t mean to…’

‘It’s fine,’ Yates says. He quickly changes the subject. ‘What’s he been doing?’

‘Singing,’ I reply.

‘Singing?’ Yates looks like I’ve just told him the sea had turned purple. Wide eyed and incredulous.

‘Tell me about it,’ I reply. ‘We think he might be trying to use the song to get home.’

‘Why doesn’t he just do it himself?’ Upson asks. ‘He’s been here long enough, rumour travels quickly. You get home the same way you travel, the same way we escaped, you just have to be brave enough and want to.’

‘Welcome to Teague,’ Elle answers. ‘Man of mystery.’

Upson raises his eyebrows. ‘It definitely sounds suspicious given his history.’

‘How long do you think it will be until the recital begins?’ I ask.

‘Well it’s supposed to be this evening,’ he replies. ‘I suppose that gives us the day to find some proof to what he’s doing.’

‘Where did you serve?’ Elle asks. Upson returns her look, surprised. ‘My dad’s in the forces.’

‘Afghanistan, four years was my latest,’ he says. ‘And last.’

Elle reaches over and shakes his hand. ‘I can always tell. It’s the way you stand.’

I look down and I realise Upson’s feet are spread at shoulder width. His muscles bulge beneath the sleeves of his t-shirt. I notice that he doesn’t wear military fatigues. He may have died in a warzone, but that wasn’t his true self. If this place is created from the minds of the dead, and if we can change age and shape like I’ve seen two people do now, then I guess we must take on the image of the way we see ourselves. Deep down, Upson was never an army man. Was he a husband? A father? A  friend? I wonder what sort of person he thinks he is. I remember him being afraid in the Abyss in the way that anyone would have been. If I’d looked at him before we went down there I would have said that he wasn’t afraid of anything.

‘We’d better get to helping out,’ he says. ‘Have a dig around, see what we can find out. Target the old people, they always talk more.’

I wonder was that advice for now or just life in general. I think of Benjamin, always in the park, every Friday without fail. He was always talking about life, about the world. It makes me feel guilty that in the year I’ve known him I’ve never asked. Why Central Park? Why that day? When I get back, I resolve to ask him.

Upson disappears into the crowd and leaves us alone.

‘I didn’t know your dad was in the forces?’ I ask.

‘Yeah, well,’ she says. ‘You know something? Something really bad?’ She looks down at her feet. ‘Before I met you too I was always looking for him. Because I expected it, you know. Expected to find him. Stepped on an IED, shot, blown up, anything like that. I wasn’t looking for him because what girl hopes their dad’s going to die?’

‘But you said, parents,’ I say. I don’t know why I say that of all things. When we appeared in the police station and our faces were on TV, she’d said her parents would come looking for her.

‘He’s not with my mum anymore,’ she says. ‘He’d come visit me in hospital. We always used to video chat and stuff. I have Greg, my other dad. I guess I meant them. I knew they’d come looking for me, all three of them would. That’s why I freaked out a bit I guess. Because say he sees me on TV, out there in Iraq, and he knows his little girl isn’t dead anymore. Can you imagine what that’d do to him? Knowing he can’t leave? Can’t come looking for me?’ She looks down. ‘I’ve never told anyone all that. I guess. When you guys were down there, I just felt alone? I realised I didn’t like floating around so much, being the girl who pretends she doesn’t find her dad again. I like not feeling like a terrible daughter anymore.’

Yates crosses and hugs her. ‘You’re the opposite of that,’ he says. ‘And we’ll find him. One day when he crosses to us. Happy and old and you can see him again.’

I cross and hug them both. We stay like that for a second and then we part. Closer than ever.

We don’t talk again for a good hour after that. Sometimes, after a moment like that you need your own space. I always knew there was something else to Elle. I would have never guessed it but I’m glad she told us. It shows that she trusts us above everyone else. I knew that I have to go and see my parents when I get back home, just to sit with them a while. I think that death shows one thing over and over. Everyone has their Penny. And everyone’s is just as important.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 239

We don’t talk again for a good hour after that. Sometimes, after a moment like that you need your own space. I always knew there was something else to Elle. I would have never guessed it but I’m glad she told us. It shows that she trusts us above everyone else. I knew that I have to go and see my parents when I get back home, just to sit with them a while. I think that death shows one thing over and over. Everyone has their Penny. And everyone’s is just as important.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 238

‘But you said, parents,’ I say. I don’t know why I say that of all things. When we appeared in the police station and our faces were on TV, she’d said her parents would come looking for her.

‘He’s not with my mum anymore,’ she says. ‘He’d come visit me in hospital. We always used to video chat and stuff. I have Greg, my other dad. I guess I meant them. I knew they’d come looking for me, all three of them would. That’s why I freaked out a bit I guess. Because say he sees me on TV, out there in Iraq, and he knows his little girl isn’t dead anymore. Can you imagine what that’d do to him? Knowing he can’t leave? Can’t come looking for me?’ She looks down. ‘I’ve never told anyone all that. I guess. When you guys were down there, I just felt alone? I realised I didn’t like floating around so much, being the girl who pretends she doesn’t find her dad again. I like not feeling like a terrible daughter anymore.’

Yates crosses and hugs her. ‘You’re the opposite of that,’ he says. ‘And we’ll find him. One day when he crosses to us. Happy and old and you can see him again.’

I cross and hug them both. We stay like that for a second and then we part. Closer than ever.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 237

‘We’d better get to helping out,’ he says. ‘Have a dig around, see what we can find out. Target the old people, they always talk more.’

I wonder was that advice for now or just life in general. I think of Benjamin, always in the park, every Friday without fail. He was always talking about life, about the world. It makes me feel guilty that in the year I’ve known him I’ve never asked. Why Central Park? Why that day? When I get back, I resolve to ask him.

Upson disappears into the crowd and leaves us alone.

‘I didn’t know your dad was in the forces?’ I ask.

‘Yeah, well,’ she says. ‘You know something? Something really bad?’ She looks down at her feet. ‘Before I met you too I was always looking for him. Because I expected it, you know. Expected to find him. Stepped on an IED, shot, blown up, anything like that. I wasn’t looking for him because what girl hopes their dad’s going to die?’

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 236

‘Where did you serve?’ Elle asks. Upson returns her look, surprised. ‘My dad’s in the forces.’

‘Afghanistan, four years was my latest,’ he says. ‘And last.’

Elle reaches over and shakes his hand. ‘I can always tell. It’s the way you stand.’

I look down and I realise Upson’s feet are spread at shoulder width. His muscles bulge beneath the sleeves of his t-shirt. I notice that he doesn’t wear military fatigues. He may have died in a warzone, but that wasn’t his true self. If this place is created from the minds of the dead, and if we can change age and shape like I’ve seen two people do now, then I guess we must take on the image of the way we see ourselves. Deep down, Upson was never an army man. Was he a husband? A father? A  friend? I wonder what sort of person he thinks he is. I remember him being afraid in the Abyss in the way that anyone would have been. If I’d looked at him before we went down there I would have said that he wasn’t afraid of anything.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 235

‘Singing,’ I reply.

‘Singing?’ Yates looks like I’ve just told him the sea had turned purple. Wide eyed and incredulous.

‘Tell me about it,’ I reply. ‘We think he might be trying to use the song to get home.’

‘Why doesn’t he just do it himself?’ Upson asks. ‘He’s been here long enough, rumour travels quickly. You get home the same way you travel, the same way we escaped, you just have to be brave enough and want to.’

‘Welcome to Teague,’ Elle answers. ‘Man of mystery.’

Upson raises his eyebrows. ‘It definitely sounds suspicious given his history.’

‘How long do you think it will be until the recital begins?’ I ask.

‘Well it’s supposed to be this evening,’ he replies. ‘I suppose that gives us the day to find some proof to what he’s doing.’

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 234

‘Do I detect some history?’ Yates presses for information.

‘Only a difference in beliefs,’ Upson replies. ‘It’s pretty much agreed that this place is made from the collective minds of everyone who lives here. Personally I think the desert comes from our idea of loneliness, but the town, the tree, the well, they come from us. I think we could do so much more here if we weren’t kept under Tarquin’s idea of peace. He doesn’t tell anyone when they arrive but more and more people have been leaving. It’s a lot easier than he thinks, or so they say.’

‘Do you definitely know people have got home?’ I ask.

Upson shakes his head. ‘It’s impossible to say,’ he replies. ‘I only hope they didn’t fall down to that place.’

Yates instantly looks away, obviously ashamed. ‘Oh, sorry,’ Upson continues. ‘I didn’t mean to…’

‘It’s fine,’ Yates says. He quickly changes the subject. ‘What’s he been doing?’

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 233

‘Oh, God, what’s he done now?’

I try to hide my smile but find it very difficult.

‘This is Teague from the school?’ Upson still stands behind us. I don’t suppose it matters if we let him in on things now. He’s proved himself more trustworthy than anyone.

‘You know him?’ Elle narrows her eyes. I expect she’s suspecting a secret Teague supporter.

‘Only in passing, I always got the impression he was hiding something.’

‘Easton, I’ve decided we’re replacing you with Upson,’ Elle says. I stick my tongue out at her but we laugh.

‘Teague’s from back home,’ I say. ‘He hurt a lot of people, manipulates them too. Now he’s putting on this act as the saintly schoolteacher and we think he’s going to pull something at the recital.’

‘Then we’d better stop him,’ Upson says. ‘He can’t hurt anyone here, we can go home and he’ll be Tarquin’s problem.’

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 232

‘Of course,’ I say.

‘Thank you, Easton,’ he says. He smiles once more and then he and Sandra disappear back into the crowd.

Instantly I turn to Elle. ‘What’s he been up to?’

‘Nothing,’ she says. She sounds disappointed. ‘He’s been the model citizen. Running back and forth, proclaiming how proud he is of his children. It’s quite sickening really.’

‘Who’s this?’ Yates looks shy as he directs the question at us. I’m determined not to treat him like he’s incapable of handling anything as well as anyone else. He’s our friend, we stick by each other and don’t leave each other behind. This is a simple fact.

‘Teague,’ I reply.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 231

‘Thank you,’ I say.

The crowd is beginning to disperse. There is obvious bustle before the steps to the town hall. I imagine this is where Teague’s recital will take place. I desperately want to ask Elle what he’s been up to in our absence. And also how long we’ve actually been absent. It’s still the same day we left so we can’t have been away that long. They said that they’d begin singing after half an hour. Down in the Abyss, though it felt like we were in there forever, I’m sure that only a few minutes had passed.

I look up at the blue sky again, just for a moment. I realise how grateful I am to see it back. Still though, I’m troubled by a nagging feeling. This is still not my sky.

‘Would you be kind enough to help with the setting up?’ Tarquin asks, indicating the town hall. ‘Now your friend is safe and sound.’ He smiles at Yates.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 230

‘Actually, we’ll be leaving too,’ I say. I look at Elle and Yates, the latter looking around the sparse desert town with inquisitive eyes. They both nod regardless. This isn’t our home.

‘We’re very grateful for everything you’ve done,’ Elle says. ‘But you know when you don’t belong somewhere.’

‘But, the Abyss?’ Tarquin splutters.

‘I think we’re all strong enough to avoid it,’ Elle says. ‘We’ll stay for Teague’s recital, but after that we’ll be finding a path out of here.’

Sandra appears. She touches Tarquin on the shoulder and they share a look. She appears to be the only one who can calm him. I wonder, are they together?

‘Of course it’s your decision to do as you please,’ she says. ‘We here will always be glad to welcome you back.’

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 229

                'I’m so glad you’re back!’ she says into our shoulders. I look at Yates. His eyes are closed, his face collected into a look of contentment. Outwardly his body shakes from the ordeal he’s been through. ‘You, get in here.’ Elle grabs Upson too and pulls him in to us. ‘Do we have vacancies in the gang, Easton?’ she asks.

                Upson laughs. ‘I’m just happy I could help.’ He separates himself a little awkwardly. I wonder how used the military man is to outward displays of affection. ‘I’ll be sure to look you up when we get back home.’

                ‘Home?’ Tarquin says. He parts the crowd and joins us. I can see more than ever the great respect he commands. ‘Don’t tell me you’re leaving us after you’ve seen the darkness.’

                ‘I don’t want to discuss this,’ Upson says. ‘I’m just glad we’re back.’

                Tarquin looks at us, still huddled together. It’s as though he’s just realised we’re all here too. ‘I knew you had it in you.’ He directs his words at all of us. ‘Such happy additions to our group here.’ He smiles at us, but I can see the pleading in his eyes. Upson has undermined him in front of everyone. I get the impression that people who want to leave the desert do so quietly, without upsetting Tarquin’s status quo. I won’t be a party to it. People have a right to decide to do what they want.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 228

                The world doesn’t erupt around us. We don’t fly from a tear in the universe and skid to a stop in the sand. The world simply takes shape around us and we return to it as though we were never gone. It’s as easy and as calm as opening our eyes.

                The crowd around us do erupt, this time in cheers. There is still singing. Maybe those towards the back who don’t know we’ve made it through. We’re swarmed by them and I can’t help but smile as I’m congratulated and clapped by strong hands from all sides.

                Elle is at the front of the mass before I’ve even blinked. I can see her cheeks are streaked with tearstains. She doesn’t hesitate before she seizes both me and Yates and pulls us into a tight hug. I’m always surprised at how powerful Elle can be. I remember her grasping Teague by the lapels many eternities ago. At least that’s how long it feels.

                I quickly realised that I should never judge someone for their size. Elle proves that to me every day. Prejudice is for the foolish and I’m sure she’d be the first to tell me that too.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 227

               All of a sudden, the sounds grow clearer. I can make out words and the layers in the melody of voices. I can hear now a lot clearer than the first time I was saved by it. It sounds otherworldly because it’s not one song at all. It’s a vast collection of songs, like every person in the town is saying their personal prayer for our safe return. I can hear proclamations of home and safety, of returning and peace. Warnings of how far we can fall and how we can take hold of our bravery and rise higher.

                Deep inside me, the part of my personality which sways towards science and away from faith grumbles. But my eyes are seeing evidence of powers greater than the ones I know. I would never say that this proves the existence of any higher power, but there is a power in people. Collected together, their minds combined and concentrated on a single goal, the collective can achieve anything. There is science in that, science I don’t understand but science nonetheless. If this experience has proved my belief of anything, then it’s my belief in people.

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Chapter Thirty-Two

                I’ve underappreciated music in my life. I can see that now. As we ride the waves up through the edge and travel further and further from the Abyss with every passing second, I can see how powerful it is. Now, here, it saves us all from staying down there forever.

                I wonder how many myths and legends, stories and beliefs associated with hell have come from that place. How many people live in fear of eternal damnation and don’t realise that there is a very real place where we can become trapped if we don’t feel strong enough to fight it?

                Maybe that’s what depression is? Maybe that’s what every bad feeling is? Somewhere, deep inside us there’s a pole, like a magnet, and it drags us towards that place. The majority of us are lucky that we’re strong enough to fight against its pull. I can see now how important it is that we recognize when others are tempted by it, and how only a few simple words can pull a person back from the brink.

                I grip Yates’s hand tighter with my left, and Upson’s with my right. I can’t see either of them in the murk, but I’m glad that by holding tighter, their presence is confirmed to me. I think that if I was here by myself, even with the song from the town, I might find it hard to get back.

Box Set - Chapter Thirty-One

I claw at the slope with flailing arms. It’s so cold to touch it feels like it’s already gone over the edge, like there’s no hope of my saving myself and I’m gone too. Snuffed out like a candle in a darkened room.

I can’t help but whip my head around and watch the too-fast approaching chasm. It’s like I’m sliding towards the jaws of some leviathan monster. It will swallow me whole and I’ll be resigned to sliding down it’s slimy throat to arrive in whatever fresh hell awaits me in the pit of its stomach.

I dig deep in the gravel around me and feel myself slow a little. I turn away from the edge and try to ignore it. I don’t know where Upson’s gone, clearly during the fall we’ve let go of each other. I can’t concentrate on him, I have to save myself and hope that the big man can look after himself.

I dig still deeper. I feel a soft wind on my back, almost enticing me closer. The Abyss is alive, it is temptation, the easy path. Because we’re all sliding towards Abysses at points in our lives. Taking that leap is just so easy but the strongest among us keep away from the edge. At the very least we stay close to in. And the very best among us stand with our toes on the edge and spit into the cold oblivion that lies beyond.

I cry out and groan with the effort of digging my way back up the slope. I push my feet in too and find the hard packed weight of earth beneath the surface. I slow even more and, slowly, painfully slowly, I work my way back upwards, moving one arm and then the next, followed by my still sliding feet. It’s like working against the movement of an escalator or a ladder bending slowly backwards.

I feel tears in my eyes and grit my teeth which are already coated in a fine film of dust from the ground around me.

It feels like an age before I realise I’ve stopped. I pant, my chest heaving in a very uncomfortable fashion like I’ve just run up the stairs of a train station and dived between the doors.

Using all the bravery I can muster, I lock my fingers into the earth and chance a look over my bobbing shoulder.

I don’t know where the light comes from, as the air above me is the darkest black of the darkest night, but with the exception of the stars of the moon. It’s the lack of this which unsettles me. I’d seen it in the night over the desert too. And maybe that was it, a reminder that however peaceful it might be, this is not my world. The stars are a constant reminder that we’re all connected on earth. If I ever felt lonely, I remembered something someone told me once, one of the many quotes, ideas and idle pieces of chatter that passes us by every day. If you’re ever alone look up at the stars, focus on the moon in the sky, just know that someone, somewhere is looking at the light just the same as you.

And now that’s gone. There’s just blackness. And a blackness so dark I can’t quite say where the light is coming from. I can see the gravel between my hands. Feel the roughness and the dust. A waterfall of it dislodges over on my left and threatens to take me downwards again.

I look further over my shoulder, very carefully setting myself down on the unstable slope. I can see the chasm, just a hundred metres in front of me, and it’s dark, so dark, with nothing on the other side. But yet the light seems to come from there too. Tempting light and the cold terror of dark all in one place. I know, very quickly that I have to escape from this place, and soon.

‘Hello!’ I call. ‘Yates! Upson? Are you there?’

There’s no reply. It’s the silence that gets to me. Infinite crushing silence, punctuated by occasional, deafening cascades of falling gravel that sound like machine gun fire. The place makes me want to cry, just the endless oppression of it, the fear of not being able to move without being dragged towards that gaping hole in the nothingness.

‘Easton!’comes a reply, obviously far away but so loud it sounds like he’s next to me.

‘Upson! Where are you?’

 

‘On your left, you have to let your eyes adjust.’

 

I try to focus on his voice and after a few seconds I make out a thick outline. He’s mostly buried in the ground, obviously trying to hold himself there.

 

‘This is what they’re scared of,’he calls. ‘I’ve heard stories, but…’

 

I see him looking towards the edge. I start to move. The less time we spend here the better.

 

‘Can you see Yates?’ I ask. I move carefully but as quickly as I dare. Each step includes me driving my foot deep into the forgiving ground that yields to the force I apply to it.

 

With passing terror, I see that despite my best efforts, each footstep brings me close to the edge. It must be about eighty metres now and lessening all the time.

 

Soon enough, I reach Upson’s side.

 

‘I can’t see anyone,’ he says. His voice cracks with fear, not an emotion I expect from the large man who volunteered so fearlessly. I wonder does my voice sound the same? Does this place reduce all of us to our deepest primal instincts, fear being the most predominant and overpowering of them all. We are all children to something so big and dark and scary.

 

‘But we heard him, we heard the echo of him,’ I say, logic defying him. ‘We just have to look for that.’

 

I cast around. It’s so hard to concentrate, completely different to the hot quiet of the desert dunes.

 

‘I-I think I see something,’Upson says. He clears his throat and gains some composure. I can tell he’s not a man to be beaten so easily. ‘Over there, the ripples. ‘

I think I see it too, a break in the air, like a plume of steam or a heatwave. Yates was there, or at least he once was.

‘Let’s get over there before it’s too late,’ I say.

I begin to move, trying to direct my way up the slope all the while knowing that the instability of the land will take me downwards. I hear Upson make a hesitant move to follow. I don’t know how long we’ve been in this place. Teague said that time worked in a different way between these worlds. If a week had passed in a couple of hours between earth and the Edge, who knew what the displacement was like here. Our half hour might have passed already. I knew one thing, I wasn’t going to leave this place without Yates beside me. I don’t care what Upson decides to do.

Secretly, I pray that the other man doesn’t leave me. I don’t think I could stand this place alone for too long.

We grow closer and closer to the echo. I hope it’s Yates. There might be thousands of people down here. People left the town all the time in search of something better? How many fall and just keep falling? What if this place is infinite, going on and on into nothing, engorged by the fear of the hesitant and they all lie in echoes, just out of the reach of our sight?

I shake the thought from my head and trudge onwards. The pool of fear remains in the pit of my stomach and I try my hardest to focus on the job at hand.

If a place like this exists, then I can’t help but feel terribly alone in the universe. A place so large and so empty, watched over by no one and nothing. It is then that I realise how much I don’t want Upson to leave. There might be no one watching over us in this waste land from on high, but while I have him here, we can look out for each other.

‘How long were you in the town for?’ I ask.

‘Oh years now.’ Upson seems glad I’ve broken the silence. I turn and see him confidently wading forward, but a set of teeth grasp his lower lip, a sure sign of anxiety. ‘I love the peace, but I get this feeling sometimes, you know? That there might be more than a village in the middle of the desert. Makes me think of home.’

‘I suppose once you start thinking like that then it’s hard to stay,’ I observe. ‘I’d be the same.’

‘You’re right there,’ Upson says. ‘Sometimes I love it. The togetherness…’ he takes a breath like the oppression of the Abyss has left him just from this simple act.‘There’s nothing like it, but then you wonder? The thing we always wonder. Why are we here? Aren’t we just scared of what’s next? Scared to take that leap and find something better? Even if that thing was what we left behind.’ He takes a pause. ‘I don’t know, it’s just a thought.’

He folds into himself suddenly. I wonder how long he’s been aching to get that thought off his chest. He looks almost guilty to have thought it at all.

‘That’s what led me to science,’I say. ‘Back home, back when I was alive, I loved it. It wasn’t to disprove anyone, or to hurt or offend anyone, but I guess I’ve always had that feeling. That there was more to the world than we could see. I guess some people turn to faith. I wish I could have more faith. But I turned to science, to fact and exploring the world around me. I miss that. The desert cuts me off and I’m constantly feeling like I might sink in the sand…’

I stop. I’m not accustomed to being so open with someone I’ve just met. Maybe it’s the Abyss. The fear makes us search for companionship, so we spill our secrets and our deepest thoughts so we might know our fellows better.

‘Aside from the terrifying hole in creation and the constant impending sense of doom, I’m glad I came down here,’ I say.

‘I think when you truly have nothing like this, not even a sense that there might be an escape, you take a new perspective,’ Upson says. He gestures ahead of him. ‘Look, Easton, is that him.’

I follow his finger and concentrate on what appears to be a mass on the edge of the world. A man shaped mass surrounded by heat and cold and loneliness. I can hear him.

Easton, Elle. Just our names repeated over and over.

I’m here, Yates. I think, desperate for him to get away from that blackness.

We trudge faster, at points sliding down the slope, our hearts leaping from our chests with the panic of it.

‘Yates!’ I call, but not too loudly. I don’t want to startle him and cause him to fall. He must be feet from the brink, simply standing like a diver on a board, ready to take the plunge.

He turns. Tears streak his face. He’s deathly pale like a vampire, and his eyes are circled. How long has he been here?

‘You’re not real,’ he cries. ‘Nothing is. How can it be? Why would it be?’

‘I am real.’ I hold up a hand to stop Upson in his tracks. I want him to be comfortable, I want him to believe me. I want him to come home. ‘Yates, I promise, we heard you. This is Upson, a man from a place we found. We can go back, I promise.’

I smile but my fear is difficult to hide. I imagine what this place must have done to him. Amplified the loneliness, cut him off from everything. I wonder could I dive forward, concentrate and bring us back up, but I don’t even know how to take myself back up to the town.

Yates moves towards the brink. ‘Is this it?’ he says. ‘Is this what you want?’

‘No, Yates, no I don’t, I want you to come back with me.’

‘It’s just one thing after another isn’t it,’ he says. ‘I thought I was better, I thought nothing bad would happen to me, I was – I was over it!’ He shouts the last words.

‘I know,’ I say. But I don’t know what to say. He’s right, life, and death throws obstacles bigger than the last ones. We find an answer and it slips between our fingers. ‘I understand…’

‘How do you understand? Did you do it? Could you ever do what I did? I deserve this, Easton.’

So he does believe it’s me, or see it on some level.

‘Yates, I…of course I couldn’t. Because what I went through in my life was an ounce of what you went through. But we dealt with him, remember? In the flat, you me and Elle. An eye for an eye.’

‘And Graham,’ he spits. ‘I know you don’t want to mention him. Don’t want to tip the loser over the edge do we? Remind him that his stupid boyfriend abandoned him too.’

‘Well I’m not abandoning you!’ I call back. I feel a bubble of anger rise, anger at Graham angry at Yates’s stepfather, at this place, at everyone. It’s not fair and I don’t know how to fix it. And how I want to fix it.

‘Yates,’ Upson steps forward. His voice is firm but kind, confident. Like the weight of this place just bounces off of him. I hear a hum, a thumping like this place has a heart. It threatens to tempt us all down, over the edge and spinning through the black. ‘I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m here. I don’t know you from Adam and I know you don’t deserve any of this.’

I see the tears glisten on the boy’s face and I see the man he once was, cracks and wrinkles shining through, threatening to take over.

‘But you’ve got to rely on people, son. And some of them will hurt you. Some of them will leave you in the dust and forget you. But some of them stick by you. And they’re the ones I want to find again too. So we could go back, away from the edge, and find the people who stand taller. That could be you and me Yates. You me, Easton and everyone else. So come on.’ He holds out his big, dark hand.

‘You feel like this down here because this place sucks the life from you,’ I say. ‘But we can go back, Yates. If you just come with us.’

As if on cue, I make out the music. The lulling, mystical song of the desert. It sounds far away, and I have to really listen for it to make anything out at all.

‘See, you hear that? It’s all the people who want you to come back up with us,’ I say.

‘I don’t hear anything, Easton. It’s not for me.’

‘You have to really listen for it,’ I reply. ‘I couldn’t make it out myself.’

Yates seems to take a step back towards the edge, despite the look of being torn between two worlds.

‘Is Elle there too?’ he asks. He wipes his nose on his sleeve and takes a step towards us. ‘I’m sorry, Easton. I am. I just…’

‘She is, and I know,’ I say. I step over to him and catch him in an embrace. He smells like he’s been outside for an age. If he was alive, I could imagine his fingers being cold and stiff, swelled against the cold as his blood tried to keep him alive.

‘Upson,’ I say. ‘Come on.’

The big man comes over. Determined not to lose him this time, I take his arm and grip tightly. I hold onto Yates with my other. I try not to look over the edge but I can’t help it. The split second my eyes dart towards it makes me feel nauseous, terrified, like a child separated from his parents.

The second feels like an age.

The age ends. I’m Easton with my friends and we follow the music up and away from the Abyss, hoping never to return.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 225

                ‘You feel like this down here because this place sucks the life from you,’ I say. ‘But we can go back, Yates. If you just come with us.’

                As if on cue, I make out the music. The lulling, mystical song of the desert. It sounds far away, and I have to really listen for it to make anything out at all.

                ‘See, you hear that? It’s all the people who want you to come back up with us,’ I say.

                ‘I don’t hear anything, Easton. It’s not for me.’

                ‘You have to really listen for it,’ I reply. ‘I couldn’t make it out myself.’

                Yates seems to take a step back towards the edge, despite the look of being torn between two worlds.

                ‘Is Elle there too?’ he asks. He wipes his nose on his sleeve and takes a step towards us. ‘I’m sorry, Easton. I am. I just…’

                ‘She is, and I know,’ I say. I step over to him and catch him in an embrace. He smells like he’s been outside for an age. If he was alive, I could imagine his fingers being cold and stiff, swelled against the cold as his blood tried to keep him alive.

                ‘Upson,’ I say. ‘Come on.’

                The big man comes over. Determined not to lose him this time, I take his arm and grip tightly. I hold onto Yates with my other. I try not to look over the edge but I can’t help it. The split second my eyes dart towards it makes me feel nauseous, terrified, like a child separated from his parents.

                The second feels like an age.

                The age ends. I’m Easton with my friends and we follow the music up and away from the Abyss, hoping never to return.

Above the Vaulted Sky - Page 224

                ‘I know,’ I say. But I don’t know what to say. He’s right, life, and death throws obstacles bigger than the last ones. We find an answer and it slips between our fingers. ‘I understand…’

                ‘How do you understand? Did you do it? Could you ever do what I did? I deserve this, Easton.’

                So he does believe it’s me, or see it on some level.

                ‘Yates, I…of course I couldn’t. Because what I went through in my life was an ounce of what you went through. But we dealt with him, remember? In the flat, you me and Elle. An eye for an eye.’

                ‘And Graham,’ he spits. ‘I know you don’t want to mention him. Don’t want to tip the loser over the edge do we? Remind him that his stupid boyfriend abandoned him too.’

                ‘Well I’m not abandoning you!’ I call back. I feel a bubble of anger rise, anger at Graham angry at Yates’s stepfather, at this place, at everyone. It’s not fair and I don’t know how to fix it. And how I want to fix it.

                ‘Yates,’ Upson steps forward. His voice is firm but kind, confident. Like the weight of this place just bounces off of him. I hear a hum, a thumping like this place has a heart. It threatens to tempt us all down, over the edge and spinning through the black. ‘I don’t know what happened to you, but I’m here. I don’t know you from Adam and I know you don’t deserve any of this.’

                I see the tears glisten on the boy’s face and I see the man he once was, cracks and wrinkles shining through, threatening to take over.

                ‘But you’ve got to rely on people, son. And some of them will hurt you. Some of them will leave you in the dust and forget you. But some of them stick by you. And they’re the ones I want to find again too. So we could go back, away from the edge, and find the people who stand taller. That could be you and me Yates. You me, Easton and everyone else. So come on.’ He holds out his big, dark hand.